We don’t talk enough about what it means to love someone who is lying, not because they’re malicious, but because they’re terrified.
Terrified of being rejected.
Terrified of losing family, career, community, or safety.
Terrified of being fully seen.
In Dee Carr’s short “Loving a Liar,” we’re invited to look beyond the surface of deception and into the emotional architecture behind it. And when we connect this to the LGBTQ community, the conversation becomes even more urgent.
Because the truth is this:
Some people aren’t lying to deceive you. They’re lying to survive you.
The Code-Switching Closet
For many LGBTQ people, athletes, politicians, entertainers, clergy, business owners, and everyday folks, life becomes a constant performance. A carefully curated version of themselves is presented to the world, while their true identity stays tucked away, waiting for a safer moment that may never come.
This isn’t just “being private.”
This is code-switching as self‑protection.
It’s the athlete who dates publicly but loves privately.
The pastor who preaches authenticity but fears living his own.
The business owner who avoids pronouns in every conversation.
The entertainer who smiles on stage but cries in the dressing room.
The everyday person who edits their life to fit someone else’s comfort.
And the people who love them?
They often end up loving a version of someone that isn’t fully real, not because that person is dishonest, but because the world has taught them that honesty is dangerous.
The Emotional Cost
Loving someone who is hiding can feel like loving a ghost, present, but not fully here.
But imagine the cost on the other side:
- Carrying two identities
- Monitoring every word
- Performing every day
- Living in fear of exposure
- Feeling unworthy of real love
This isn’t lying for manipulation.
This is lying for survival.
And survival shouldn’t have to look like this.
What Does Love Look Like Here?
Love, in this context, becomes a bridge, not a demand.
It asks:
- How can I make space for your truth?
- How can I be a safe place for your becoming?
- How can we build a relationship where honesty isn’t a risk?
Love doesn’t force someone out of hiding.
Love creates a world where hiding is no longer necessary.
Let’s Talk About It
This is where you come in.
Have you ever loved someone who was afraid to be themselves?
Have you ever BEEN that person?
What does safety look like for you?
What does honesty cost in your world?
Drop your thoughts in the comments, your voice might be the one someone else needs to hear.
And if conversations like this matter to you, hit subscribe so you don’t miss the next post in this series inspired by Dee Carr’s powerful shorts.